Meltdowns Happen, People

Had a meltdown in class today.

Not the first time it’s happened.  But it’s pretty rare for me.

I started crying and stimming, but I suppose I didn’t fully “breakdown” until afterward, walking down the hallway, leaving the building, and sitting in the car.  

It sucked.  

It sucked because, despite whatever anybody wants to think, it’s not my fault.  I’ve been in segregated education (middle school) and integrated education (high school).  I’ve melted down in both.  And both were equally awkward.

I don’t want to cry and stim and wave my arms around and scream uncontrollably.  I don’t ever want to feel so angry and so frustrated and so terrified but not know why.  

I don’t know why I melt down.  I just know that sometimes I do.  And every time, I feel like I lose another friend.  And every time, I struggle to explain my neurochemistry.  And every time, I feel the need to defend my brain.

Meltdowns aren’t fun.