Never Tell An Autistic to Have "Quiet Hands"

Just don't do it.
It's a bad idea.
It sounds simple enough - I guess I can see where the confusion comes from - but it's really important for people to understand that when autistics flap or shake or wave their arms, they are doing so because it is a technique that allows us to better understand the world.
Stimming is difficult to describe to a neurotypical person.  Autistics of all creeds understand stimming; it's one of the things that connects us all together.  But to neurotypical culture, it is deemed "weird."  It's just not something that NTs do.  And, since autistics and NTs live together in this beautiful world, sometimes we have to make concessions for one another.
But, as a public service announcement to neurotypicals everywhere, please know: we stim because we have to.  Stimming is not a choice; in fact, stimming is a reflex for most autistics.  Stimming is not always seen as acceptable among neurotypicals, and we are aware of that.  Sometimes, we are self-conscious.  We don't like it when you judge us.  But even though we're afraid of what you'll think when you see us stimming, we cannot stop.  Stimming is just something we do.
I should clarify here that not all autistics stim, and sometimes our stims take different forms.  Some autistics have vocal stims.  Others have physical stims.  Some of us - including myself - have a combination of both.
In my case, I stim more when I am nervous or anxious.  I will repeat words - words that I like because they sound nice, not words that are relevant - and shake my hands or flap my arms.  I hate stimming in public because I'm always afraid that I will be judged.  I never used to notice and I especially never used to care, but now I am afraid and it is very difficult for me to stop stimming once I get to this heightened state of anxiety.
I've never been told to quiet my hands, but it has happened to other autistics I know, and it seems very impolite to me.  I would get more nervous if told to quiet my hands.  I would probably stim more.  And, honestly, being told to quiet my hands might even cause me to melt down.
My point here: be tolerant.
If you are neurotypical, you cannot understand the mind of an autistic, no matter how hard you try.  We are different than you.  It's OK to admit that.  But it's not OK to refuse to accept that we are also of value.  We do things differently.  And that is OK.  This world is full of all different and unique  individuals and it is important to remember that we all must coexist together.  Please be tolerant of neurodiversity.

Autism (Sometimes) Makes Me Frustrated

I have had a diagnosis of autism for over 11 years.  I have been autistic my whole life though.  I have only known autism.  I do not know what it is like to be neurotypical.  In the same way, neurotypicals do not know what it is like to be autistic.  I just want to emphasize that.  Because when I have depressing days when I loathe myself and my unique neurochemistry, my feelings always seem to stem not from my own perceptions, but instead they always relate to the neurotypical people around me and their misimagining of me.
I love myself.  I am amazing.  But sometimes, my autism frustrates me.  Today, I got frustrated because of my autism.  Today, I had a bad brain day.
I got frustrated when I didn't understand a (poorly worded) question in class this morning and asked the professor to clarify.
I got frustrated when I got so fixated with that one mistake that I couldn't focus on learning.
I got frustrated with myself for being fixated so easily.
I got frustrated with myself for stimming in class - for shaking my hands, flapping my arms, and shaking my feet.
I got frustrated when others started to stare at me.  I felt embarrassed.  And that made me upset.
I got frustrated when I started to cry in the middle of the classroom.
I got frustrated with myself for being embarrassed of who I am.  That really shocks me.  I hate having negative feelings about autism.
All in all, I had a miserable morning.  I felt angry for being angry.
I got frustrated later when I got in a heated argument with someone I care very much about.
I got frustrated because I couldn't understand him.
I got frustrated because he couldn't understand me.
I got frustrated because I thought he should try harder to sympathize with me and explain his point-of-view more clearly.
I got frustrated when I started to cry.  That embarrassed me, too.
I got frustrated when he told me that I wasn't "trying" to understand him.  I felt really upset when he told me that I was just being "stubborn" and "pretending to be dumb."
I got frustrated when he compared me to his best friend (who is also autistic) and told me that his friend understands him and, since he and I are both autistic, I should understand him as well.
I got frustrated when he said I was not a "logical" person.  I got frustrated because I believe - in fact, I know - that I am a logical person.
I got frustrated when he asked if I'd ever "get over" being autistic, because he just wanted to have a "normal" conversation with me.  I'm actually still frustrated over that one.  Angry, even.
My point here is that it's OK to be frustrated.  It is good to acknowledge those feelings.  I often struggle to recognize what I am feeling, but now that I'm getting better at it, I find it really therapeutic to acknowledge whenever I feel something negative.  But, I think, at the end of the day, it's really important to remember that, no matter how frustrating it can be to be "different," I am autistic and I know my autism and, more importantly, I try to be proud of it and own my autism.  Now that the meltdown has subsided, I wouldn't want to change who I am.
I just need to find a support system that also wouldn't change me.

In Which I Discuss Stimming

For many autistic people, stimming is a normal part of life.  

This image is from the Autism Women's Network and I love the message here.

I stim a lot.  I shake my hands.  I repeat words I like, words that usually have no contextual relevance in the situation.  My legs shake.  I stomp my feet.  I shake my head back and forth.

I stim more when I'm stressed.  I stim more when I'm anxious.  I stim more when I'm nervous.

Recently, I've been stressed, anxious, and nervous.

So recently, I've been stimming a lot.

I always feel the need to apologize.  I stim and then later I feel self-conscious and I am afraid about what people think about me.  But stimming is nothing to apologize for.  Stimming is natural and normal and comforting and harmless and wonderful.  

Thank you to the Autism Women's Network for reminding me of that.