What is Sensory Processing Disorder?

This is an excellent video that explains Sensory Processing Disorder.  While SPD is a condition all o its own, a lot of Autistics (including me) experience SPD.  SPD is sometimes hard to explain because it is so individual.

In this video, the narrator talks about the seven sensory systems: sound, taste, smell, touch, vision, proprioception, and vestibular.

He discusses how you can be over-responsive and under-responsive in each of the seven systems and they each act independent of each other.  I love the metaphor of the big cups and little cups the boy talks about in the video.  It makes a lot of sense to me and I think it's a great way to explain it.

I have a little cup for sound, vision, and touch.  This means: loud noises really bother me, multiple noises at the same time really bother me, fast music really bothers me, too many people talking at the same time really bothers me...  This means: bright lights really bother me, repeating colorful patterns really bother me, flashing lights really bother me, sometimes the TV screen or computer screen bothers me...  This means: sometimes I can't stand it when people are touching me (especially light touch), I get easily startled when people touch my back, I really don't like it when my hands are not clean, I really don't like touching things directly with my hands...

I have a big cup for proprioception.  This means: sometimes I need to run around or jump or stomp or wave my arms or hands to release energy when I'm feeling stressed...

I think the rest of my "cups" are medium-sized.

Loneliness

There is this perception that Autistics like to be alone.  Perhaps it is because we so often create our own worlds that we feel most comfortable in.  Perhaps it is because we enjoy our solitude.  Perhaps it is because loud noises and large groups of people make us uncomfortable.  All those things are reasons I like my "alone time," but it is also very true that I need my "social time" as well.

I like people.  Sometimes.  Sometimes I don't.  I guess it is more accurate to say that I like certain people.  My best friends, I like them.  I like many of the people I have classes with.  Some of my classmates I don't like so much.  I like many of my boyfriend's family members, his roommates, his church community.  I like the role models I've sought out for myself.  I like some of the people I work with.

While it is true that after a particularly stressful day, I'd love to just go home and sit by myself and do nothing at all, I didn't have a stressful day today and now I need some social interaction.  Today, I went to work, sat at my desk, and watched the clock.  Today, I wanted to leave all day because I was tired and bored.  But when 4.00 came around, my coworker asked if I was leaving and I had to think about it -- because I used to live near my boyfriend, but now I live an hour away.  I just moved yesterday and that was incredibly stressful.  And now I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be by myself.  I am incredibly lonely, sitting in this huge apartment all by myself.  I wish there were other people around to talk to, but instead I've got nothing but the whir of my fan to keep me company.  I know my boyfriend would rather I stop calling him in tears saying I miss him, and I know my mother-in-law would rather I stop texting her and lamenting about how alone and depressed I feel.  I know this.  And yet, this is the place I am in today.

I am incredibly anxious about the lack of cleanliness of my new apartment, but I cannot bring myself to clean today.  No, today I can merely sit and think and wonder and fear.  Today, I miss my boyfriend too much.  Today, I cannot bring myself to do anything productive.

Today, I have eaten a muffin and some macaroni.  Today, I have drank a 591 mL bottle of Diet Coke.  I am essentially too depressed to eat or drink.

I cleaned one fridge last night at 3 AM and the other is half-cleaned now.  I have to do my dishes and clean the bathroom, as well as clean my entire bedroom top to bottom before I can start to unpack.  Yesterday, I cleaned the walls and a few surfaces before I made my bed.  Today, my bed is clean but that's about it.  I need to sterilize my desk, closet, drawers, and then I need to unpack.

I'm watching this documentary only because I want to watch something at least sort of educational and the sound from the proper television is too loud for my ears to handle right now.  I am having a really hard time dealing with all the new sensory experiences in this apartment; the sound of the upstairs neighbor walking around, the smells coming from the different parts of the living room and kitchen, the burnt out light bulb in the bathroom, and the itchy fabric on the couches.

I hope this gets easier.

I feel "bottom of my soul lonely" today.

My Experience With Sensory Processing Disorder

Everyone with SPD has a different experience.  So I thought I'd share some of mine.  I plan to elaborate on this in a future post.  But for now: this is just how SPD - which is one of my secondary diagnoses - affects me.  Honestly, I can avoid most of my SPD triggers for the most part.  And when I really struggle with SPD, it's usually due to auditory stimuli.  

Food

Yogurt, sour cream, mayonnaise... these are all things I can't bear to eat because of their texture.  

Milk... it's liquid but it's thicker than most liquids, and that's frightening to me. 

Peaches and peach-like fruits... I had a bad experience with peaches a long time ago, and I can't stand peaches or nectarines or anything like that anymore.  I'm not sure if that's SPD or whether that's just being a person.

Touching

I don't like people touching my back.  It usually makes me shiver or recoil away.  

I don't like people touching my shoulders.  It gives me the same reaction.

I only like tight hugs.

Sounds

My SPD issues are strongest when it comes to sounds.  Noise is a big deal for me.  I cannot stand loud noises.  That includes loud talking, loud television, and loud environmental noises.  Even worse, though, is noise combinations.  It drives my brain crazy when two auditory stimuli are coming at me at once.  When the TV is on and someone is talking, I have to silence one.  When my iPod is on and someone is talking, I need to turn off one.  Sometimes, distant conversations are enough to distract me away from the sound I'm trying to focus on.  That's really difficult.  It's hard to explain SPD, but when it comes to sounds, you'll notice that I really cannot function when two sounds are playing simultaneously.  SPD makes it so I cannot live normally when there are too many noises around me.  This is what really frustrates me.  This is what causes meltdowns.  Too many noises can really disrupt the way I live.  

Sights

Flashing lights and really bright colors can be irritating to me.