Monday, 28 October 2013
Recently, I’ve been really “low.” I’ve been feeling “down.” I’ve been so stressed by such little things that have just been making me really upset and really frightened in the past few days and (actually) weeks. I am a pretty anxious person to begin with, but these last few days have been a bit over the top crazy.
Honestly, when I am uncomfortable, my discomfort is apparent to those around me. I try to be civil and kind, but it is really hard for me to “go with the flow” without making a big deal about it. I really and truly do despise change and I am very fearful of situations I feel I have no control over.
It’s ironic that this is one of the best times of my life. I am actually feeling incredibly good right now. Life is good. Everything is going my way. I have a job that I enjoy. I’ve been able to treadmill frequently. I’ve been doing well in school – very well, actually. I’ve been really well-organized and I’ve been getting everything done in ample time. Actually, things are pretty low-stress right now. They really should be, but for some reason I just can’t seem to be happy.
I don't know what's wrong, but I know I've been getting in a lot of fights and arguments recently with people I very genuinely love and care about. And the fights haven't been productive; they've been over little things that don't matter. They've been fights over things I really don't even care about. They've been fights over control.
I don't know how to stop fighting with people.
I don't know how to be kind when I'm feeling like this.
I don't know how to make myself happy again.
I am so thankful for so many things and it's so clear how much I have in my life, but I can barely even put it into words how frustrated I am with this whole situation.