How To Study For Exams

I actually enjoy tests.  Sure, I find them stressful -- sometimes really stressful -- but I usually do well and I do enjoy how satisfying it feels to show my knowledge and succeed in something.  It feels really good to get a good mark -- even a decent mark -- and be proud of something I've accomplished.

Read the textbook.
This is a hard one for a lot of people, including me, but it's really important to read the textbook for your course if you're going to do ensure your success on the exam.  Here's the thing: someone decided that the textbook would be a good idea.  While it's clearly important to focus on what's been said during the class and going over your notes is absolutely effective, the textbook will give you more insight and it will probably help you.  Seriously.  Try it.

Do practice questions.
You don't even need to "do" them.  Just look at them.  Think about them.

Write it out.
Making notes is really effective when you want to get the information to stick in your head.  One of my favorite studying techniques is to write out all the pertinent information that I really want to make sure I remember when test time comes around.  Writing things out helps you have everything in your own words and makes you think about what you're learning so it's more apt to stay with you.  Also, it's a lot more effective to physically write things out than to type, since your brain responds well to the motor memory of having physically used your hands to write.

Flashcards.
Flashcards are really usefully memory aids, if you like quizzing yourself and have to memorize a lot for your test.  I love cue cards personally, but there are also a lot of great online flashcards that you can customize to your course material.

Talk it out with a friend.
This is one of my favorite techniques when I'm feeling like I know the material but need help to solidify it.  Talking with a friend not only helps you because you get time to practice explaining the concepts, but also exposes you to new ideas that might enhance your knowledge.

Look back at old tests.
Don't underestimate this one.  Seriously.  No matter how well you did on your previous tests, it's been a while, and it's a good idea to look at them and make sure you remember how to answer those types of question.

This Is Autism

I am autism.

A lot of other people are autism as well.  I., G., H., A., C., T., T., M., A., L..... (some first initials of some Autistic friends of mine) are autism.

Today is This is Autism Day, and I feel as though I should be giving some deep and meaningful description of what exactly autism is and provide some uplifting analysis of how Autistics are integral for the healthy functioning of the world.

According to the DSM-V, autism can be diagnosed whenever there is a combination of a very wide range of possible signs and symptoms that the manual lists.  That is really vague.  But that's what autism is: autism is a ton of different things in a ton of different patterns and has a ton of different presentations.

For me, autism is:
- loving words
- making lists of names
- not being able to process emotions healthily
- struggling to control my anger
- crying over things that don't need to be cried over
- not crying at sad things
- an intense fear of social situations with large crowds or unknown people
- a special interest in quiz shows and empirical knowledge
- a love of my puppy, my boyfriend, my mother, and very few other people
- extremely sensitive to the needs of animals but not the needs of people
- horrible stress at the idea of change
- needing a solid and structured plan 100% of the time
- panic attacks when little things change
- shutting down in situations that make me uncomfortable
- jumping, waving, shaking, twitching, repeating words and sounds to make me feel better

I have no meaningful conclusion for today's post.  I just want to say: Autism is different for everyone.

Autism is complicated, but it should never be scary.

Dating & Relationships - Advice & Information

Perhaps some day I will formalize this.  Perhaps I will write it a bit nicer and fancy it up a bit.  But for now, I'm just pointing out a few quick little things that would have been helpful for me to know when, at the age of nineteen, I started dating for the first time.  These are a few of my hastily-written tidbits of advice.  If you want to add to it, please add your two cents in comments!  Thank you!

Social cues in dating are complicated and often very subtle.  I don't know how to read all of them.  And that's OK.  It's not something you can learn overnight.  If you are uncertain and feel comfortable to do so: ASK what the other person is trying to tell you.

Make sure you are comfortable with the person you are dating.  Consider that you'll have to spend probably an hour or so on a date with them.  Are you comfortable with this person for that long? 

Eye contact is usually expected for the date.  Are you comfortable with that?  Especially for a long-ish period of time?

Be prepared for small talk.  Small talk can be uncomfortable for a lot of people, but it usually does come up on dates, especially at first.  Be ready.  

Everyone thinks dating is hard.  Remember that.  Sometimes you can feel awkward and uncomfortable and alone while navigating the complicated world of dating.  But you're not alone.  Other people have experienced the same suffering as you have.  

Really consider whether you feel ready to date before you choose to do so.  "Wanting a boyfriend/girlfriend" is not a good reason to date.  

Practice!  Dating is really socially complex and it can help to "role play" a date, either by yourself or with someone else, to practice and start to feel comfortable with the kind of behaviors and conversations that come with dating. 

Make sure the person you are dating is nice to you and shares your values.  It can be difficult to assess whether someone is interested in you, but if they are unkind to you in any way or do anything you are not comfortable with, they are probably not right for you.  

There are many levels of intimacy, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing, and sexual contact.  Which level you engage in is dependent on various factors, some of which are complicated.  

Consider with yourself and/or discuss with someone you trust whether you are old enough / mature enough / ready for sexual contact.  Be sure to educate yourself and your partner about sex.  Be sure to have an open and honest, frank discussion about sexual contact before you engage in it.  If you are uncomfortable in any way, you should not engage in this behavior.  Remember to always practice safe sex and use condoms properly.  

Never Tell An Autistic to Have "Quiet Hands"

Just don't do it.
It's a bad idea.
It sounds simple enough - I guess I can see where the confusion comes from - but it's really important for people to understand that when autistics flap or shake or wave their arms, they are doing so because it is a technique that allows us to better understand the world.
Stimming is difficult to describe to a neurotypical person.  Autistics of all creeds understand stimming; it's one of the things that connects us all together.  But to neurotypical culture, it is deemed "weird."  It's just not something that NTs do.  And, since autistics and NTs live together in this beautiful world, sometimes we have to make concessions for one another.
But, as a public service announcement to neurotypicals everywhere, please know: we stim because we have to.  Stimming is not a choice; in fact, stimming is a reflex for most autistics.  Stimming is not always seen as acceptable among neurotypicals, and we are aware of that.  Sometimes, we are self-conscious.  We don't like it when you judge us.  But even though we're afraid of what you'll think when you see us stimming, we cannot stop.  Stimming is just something we do.
I should clarify here that not all autistics stim, and sometimes our stims take different forms.  Some autistics have vocal stims.  Others have physical stims.  Some of us - including myself - have a combination of both.
In my case, I stim more when I am nervous or anxious.  I will repeat words - words that I like because they sound nice, not words that are relevant - and shake my hands or flap my arms.  I hate stimming in public because I'm always afraid that I will be judged.  I never used to notice and I especially never used to care, but now I am afraid and it is very difficult for me to stop stimming once I get to this heightened state of anxiety.
I've never been told to quiet my hands, but it has happened to other autistics I know, and it seems very impolite to me.  I would get more nervous if told to quiet my hands.  I would probably stim more.  And, honestly, being told to quiet my hands might even cause me to melt down.
My point here: be tolerant.
If you are neurotypical, you cannot understand the mind of an autistic, no matter how hard you try.  We are different than you.  It's OK to admit that.  But it's not OK to refuse to accept that we are also of value.  We do things differently.  And that is OK.  This world is full of all different and unique  individuals and it is important to remember that we all must coexist together.  Please be tolerant of neurodiversity.

If Your Friend Is Autistic

I wish I had more friends.  But I also don’t want them.

I wish I went out more.  But I also don’t want to.

Social anxiety gets me every time I try to be an extrovert.

Autism keeps me from succeeding in relationships.  

Some days, I feel sad and alone.  

Someone once came up with the misconception that autistics don't enjoy socializing or that people with Asperger's Syndrome are all eccentric savants who sit around alone all day, trying to solve the mysteries of the universe.  

I'm not one of those people.  I mean, sometimes, I am one of those people.  A lot of time.  And unmedicated, I am very antisocial.  

But I am also a social creature, especially when I take my medication properly.  

I don't enjoy large groups, but I do love having friends.  I don't always want to be with people, but sometimes I crave interaction.  I don't always need to talk or text and sometimes my phone drives me crazy, but other times it feels good to feel wanted.  

I have social anxiety, like a lot of autistic people.  But I am still a social person.  I still have a strong desire to have friends and be in relationships.  I still have a strong desire to be needed by others.  I think that's a human quality.  I don't think it has to be with being autistic or being neurotypical; I think humans are social creatures and we all - deep down somewhere - crave friendship and interaction.  

It just felt like something I should share.  Because I hate stereotypes about autistic people.  And if your friend has autism, you shouldn't ignore them.  Ever.  Because autistic people (I'm generalizing here - sorry - but it applies for me) might not always be the best at telling you how much we appreciate your friendship, but we do.