But then, there’s another
friend in the car, and this friend is having an emotional crisis. And
it’s not my crisis and I don’t understand what she is feeling or how I can fix
it, so I sit silently, rocking in the back seat of the car, sipping my tea and
stimming.
Suddenly, my day is
unpredictable. My day is chaotic. Every thing I touch seems to
break. I no longer remember social rules; I regress to a younger version
of myself and avoid eye-contact, deny people the opportunity to engage in
conversation, and refuse to speak unless it is of something that I am
interested in.
I had an Autism Day today.
I met a trigger at 6 in the morning in a navy blue Nissan and now, 17
hours later, I find myself curled up on my desk chair, unable to think, kicking
my feet uncontrollably into the bottom of the table. My knees are bruised
now.
It
is embarrassing when I encounter my own weaknesses. I suppose that’s what
I’m getting at here.
