Wednesday, 12 June 2013

Challenges

I've been challenging myself a lot recently.
Challenging myself in my relationship.
Challenging myself in my friendships.
Challenging myself in my family.
Challenging myself socially.
Challenging myself spiritually.
Challenging myself occupationally.
Challenging myself physically.
Unfortunately, despite filling my proverbial plate with thousands and thousands of things that I'd like to get done in an ideal world, it's becoming harder and harder to actually accomplish anything I set out to do.
I have so many things that I want out of life, but I'm so scared of so many of them.
I have so many things that I love to do or would love to try to do, but I'm afraid.
I have so many people I want to know better or people with whom I want to renew friendships.  I have so many people I want to share my joys with but I also don't want to disappoint.
I don't exactly know what it is that I want to accomplish at the end of all of this, and that's probably  the most frustrating thing.  It's confusing.  It's stressful.  Some days, all I want to do is lie on my floor and watch Youtube or CNN and nap.  Sometimes, I plan out the perfect day but then get sidetracked by something else and eventually find myself stressing that nature disrupted my plan.  Some days it feels as though I have all the time in the world and the next it seems like I have too many things to do in too few hours.
I want to contribute to the world.  I want to make the people I love happy.  I want my parents to be proud of me.  I want my friends to feel trusted by me.  I want everyone in my world to be content with the person that I am.
And achieving all of that is going to remain quite the challenge.