Tuesday, 4 June 2013

Meeting New People

In the last few months, I've met a lot of new people.
I started going to a new church with my boyfriend.  My boyfriend has been going to this church for many years and he is definitely more of a "people person" than me.  He is very comfortable with their tight-knit church community.
I love my boyfriend and I find it a lot easier to be comfortable in crowds with him "leading" me.  I can't say I really "enjoy" meeting new people, but with him at my side, I feel much more confident.
So, in the last three or so months at church, I've been relatively comfortable meeting a lot of people at church.
In the last few months, I've also met a few members of my boyfriend's extended family.  It is sometimes a lot of pressure when I really want someone to like me but I'm scared they won't.  I'm a difficult person to get to know.  I have quirks and my quirks are accentuated when I'm nervous or anxious.  I know this because I stim a lot more when I'm having a bad day or even just a bad moment. It can be embarrassing when I "freak out" in front of other people, especially people I want to make a good impression on.  I'm afraid of crying or melting down or basically showing any side of myself that isn't the prim and proper persona I try to put on.  And of course, that just makes me more nervous.
Eye contact is hard, for example.  The people I am meeting will eventually be my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and I feel like I need to look them in the eyes.
My boyfriend told me that I didn't look him in the eye at all during our first date.  I have since shared lots of eye contact with him, but it's really hard for me, and he respects that.  He is really good at accepting me, even with what some people might perceive as flaws, but I'm worried that other people won't see me the way I want them to.
Meeting new people is hard for me.  That's all I'm trying to say.  I really do try my best, but it's tough.