Wednesday, 19 June 2013

Shampoo

I had a meltdown yesterday in a Save-On grocery store because I had to buy shampoo and I was afraid I couldn't afford it.  I could afford it.  I just didn't make that connection in my head.  And I had a pretty frightening meltdown that scared me.  I was so scared that I phoned my mother amidst my panicking.  She helped me calm down a bit, and then later, my boyfriend reminded me that there was nothing to worry about.
I hate anxiety.  I hate how anxiety can completely disable me in a fraction of a second and I suddenly feel like someone so far removed from myself.

I have a lot of things I want to talk about here, but today, I'm still in fear after my shampoo meltdown. I'm scared of the way I felt.  I'm scared of how helpless I became.  I'm scared of the amount of worry that was so suddenly in my system.  And I'm afraid of ever feeling that way again.