Friday, 8 February 2013

Autism & Solitude

I used to hate being around people.  I preferred to sit home by myself and spend time doing simple things that I enjoyed.  Socializing was so anxiety-producing.  I loathed every single moment of elementary school.  I lived in fear of recess.  I went to a segregated middle school for kids on the autism spectrum; I enjoyed not being social with them, and they enjoyed the same about me.  And then high school happened.  Now, university.  I am expected to be social now.  And I'm not as afraid of it as I used to be.  
Some days, I enjoy being social.
Some days, I’m bored so I socialize to distract myself.
Some days, I just want to sit at my desk and watch youtube and read and not text anybody or talk to anybody or see anybody.  
It has been over 24 hours since I have spoken to or seen anybody.  And I LOVE it.  My brain is so peaceful right now.  
There is a part of me that wishes this is how I always feel.
It feels like my brain can breathe.