Thursday, 31 January 2013
Schedules Are Important (To Me)
I wake up. I go to class. I eat breakfast. I go back to class. I treadmill. I go swimming with my friend. I go to the grocery store to pick up my prescriptions and also some snacks. I come back home. I eat lunch. I sit alone for 5 or 6 hours. I watch TV - probably The West Wing. I check my internets - my email, tumblr, etc. I go buy more food. Maybe I text message a few people. I eat dinner and have my meds. I am skyped by my mother or grandmother. I probably text message again. I maybe do some homework. I make a schedule for the next day. I make some lists. I read things that probably aren’t important but feel important at the time. I have my soda if I haven’t had it already. I maybe watch some more TV. Maybe I check my email again. Maybe I finish homework. In preparation for bed, I clean my room - Lysol my surfaces and electronics. I plan my schedule for the next day and pack my bag appropriately. I brush my teeth. I shower. I climb in bed. Maybe I watch a bit of relaxing TV, probably Frasier or some old Vlogbrothers videos on Youtube. I sleep.
I need a schedule. I need a plan. I get so anxious without a plan. That’s something my friends don’t understand. My friends don’t understand that I cannot function without a plan. I need to know what is happening with me and with other people in order to feel comfortable and sane. So right now I’m happy because I know what I’m doing tomorrow. It’ll be hard tomorrow, when unexpected things change. I hope I can get a bagel for breakfast. If there aren’t bagels, that might be difficult. I hope I can get soup for lunch. If there isn’t soup, I might not handle that well.
I’m old enough and self-aware enough that I see and understand my limitations. I cannot spend more than a few hours of “social time” per day. And that’s difficult. I wish sometimes that it would be easier for me. Or, maybe, what I wish is that people would understand what I need.