Monday, 29 April 2013
I Hate Summer
Having some serious social anxiety crap lately. As per usual.
Left the apartment only once today — walked to buy a bagel and a Diet Coke.
Going to run out of pills tomorrow if I don’t go to Superstore to get refills. Can’t bring myself to take the bus. Been trying to psych myself up for it for days, but I can’t. I can’t get on the bus. I can’t take the bus to the busy store. I can’t go the busy store. I can't talk to the pharmacist. I can't wait around in the sea of busy people. I just can't do it.
I am in love for the first time and he’s the only person I can stand to be around. I don’t see him 5 days of the week, and I can’t bring myself to do anything during those days. And even when I am with him, sometimes I feel like I'm not giving him my all, because after being social for hours, I sometimes need a break.
I’m becoming more and more obsessed with cleanliness, the way I was a few years ago. I’ve showered 3 times today and I’ve been inside all day.
I can’t go on facebook anymore. I went though a facebook-free period a few months back and I’m off facebook again. I don’t want to have to see people, even over the mask of the internet.
Life’s been weird.
I wish I had schoolwork. Or a job. Or anything to occupy me. Life is so much easier when there’s a regimented plan.