Monday, 29 April 2013

I Hate Summer

Having some serious social anxiety crap lately.  As per usual.
Left the apartment only once today — walked to buy a bagel and a Diet Coke.  
Going to run out of pills tomorrow if I don’t go to Superstore to get refills.  Can’t bring myself to take the bus.  Been trying to psych myself up for it for days, but I can’t.  I can’t get on the bus.  I can’t take the bus to the busy store.  I can’t go the busy store.  I can't talk to the pharmacist.  I can't wait around in the sea of busy people.  I just can't do it.
I am in love for the first time and he’s the only person I can stand to be around.  I don’t see him 5 days of the week, and I can’t bring myself to do anything during those days.  And even when I am with him, sometimes I feel like I'm not giving him my all, because after being social for hours, I sometimes need a break.
I’m becoming more and more obsessed with cleanliness, the way I was a few years ago.  I’ve showered 3 times today and I’ve been inside all day.
I can’t go on facebook anymore.  I went though a facebook-free period a few months back and I’m off facebook again.  I don’t want to have to see people, even over the mask of the internet. 
Life’s been weird.  
I wish I had schoolwork.  Or a job.  Or anything to occupy me.  Life is so much easier when there’s a regimented plan.