Happy Tuesday

It's Tuesday.

I have a pretty major exam for school tomorrow, which is causing me less stress than it should.  I have another exam on Friday -- which is probably a bigger deal -- that I legitimately have not studied for at all, so that's kind of frightening.

I had a crappy week last week, but now I'm feeling a bit better.  I just need to keep myself awake and focused tonight, tomorrow, and Thursday in preparation for my exams, and then I'll be done with school this semester.  My first exam -- two Fridays ago -- went really well, so I'm 1/3 of the way done!

There is a lot of stuff I should be writing about, but I'm just too exhausted right now to do any of that.  I will try to get to it within the next few days.

For now, life is beautiful and I am thankful.

Thankful Saturday

I am thankful for this day.  For spending time with the man I love.  For sharing my heart with him.

I am thankful that he forgives and understands my anxiety.

I am thankful for the good friends in my life.

I am thankful for my health.

I am thankful for the children who love me.

I am thankful for this Saturday.

Thankful on a Monday

Yesterday, the pastor at church reminded me of the importance of prayer.  So often I recognize God's great presence in my life but forget to pray to Him.  That sentence right there just reminded me that I plan on writing a blog entry about autism and religion some time.  I am religious (obviously) but I don't care whether you are religious or not, or what religion you are, as long as your religion is based in love and being kind to others.  I find religion really interesting and, as a teenager, I became a Christian.  I'll talk more about that some time probably -- if I ever get around to writing it, that is :) -- but for now, I'm remembering in this moment how thankful I am for the many good gifts I have received from my God.

Whether you are religious or not, I believe it is helpful to recognize the good things you have and be glad for them.  I believe I receive these things from God, so when I give thanks, I give thanks to Him.  Other people believe differently than me and that is absolutely all right.

I am thankful for good friends who forgive me with grace and love.

I am thankful for a wonderful partner who makes me incredibly happy and for his loving family which has welcomed me with open arms.

I am thankful for intelligent parents who love me and support me.

I am thankful for my puppy dog, who gives me hope and joy daily and reminds me to be thankful.

I am thankful for a sweet niece who finds joy and wonder in little things.

I am thankful for good prices at Wal-Mart and inexpensive Diet soda.

I am thankful for the prescription medication that I take; thankful that it exists and is affordable for me, thankful that it works to improve my life.

I am thankful for the talented authors who write the books I enjoy.

I am thankful for teachers and classes and school.

I am thankful for tickles and jokes and games that make me smile and bring me joy.

I am thankful for new jobs and new opportunities and challenges that make me think.

I am thankful for the good people who share my religion and who provide me company at church and in worship.

Thankful for the Good Things

Sometimes, I get exhausted by the stagnancy of my life.  It can be really frustrating.  I've been having good days recently, but sometimes it's hard to be grateful for all the good things.
I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me despite my quirks.
I have parents who have always loved me, even with all my 'issues.'
I have friends.  I wish I saw my friends more often.  I wish my friends knew me inside and out.  I wish my friends and I were closer than we are, but that's difficult for me.  I need to work on that.  I should.
Sometimes, being Autistic is hard.  But most of the time, being Autistic is just my normal.  And I am so thankful for the good moments and the good people and the good things.
Because good moments and good people and good things make my Autistic life good.

Facebook Anxiety (Bad) & Some Good Life Things (Good)

I am having a lot of facebook anxiety lately.
Basically, I'm just having a hard time turning on and off facebook because there are people on there that I don't want anything to do with.
I'm really frightened about what I'll see when I turn on facebook, and yet I also feel this compulsion to log in to my facebook periodically, anyways.
I can't help it.  I get even more nervous when I don't know what's happening on my facebook home page.
But still, my heart rate goes up whenever I even think about facebook.
I really am feeling uncomfortable about this whole thing. It is serious enough that it genuinely is affecting my mental health.
So I'm stressed about that.  But that stress comes in waves.  Sometimes, I'm fine.  Sometimes, I'm doing other things.  Sometimes, I get fixated on it.

I missed my pills yesterday, so it's possible that's affecting me.

But there are good things happening too:
I get to see my boyfriend later, and I love him, so that will be nice and will make me feel better.  We might get to watch some television together, which would be relaxing.  I'm hopefully also going to get to go to the gym and play some tennis.
Another good thing: I'm starting to feel more comfortable in this new environment.  I'm sitting in my new room now, drinking Diet Soda (my happy food) and working on an online course.  I'm going to make dinner for myself tonight.  I bought groceries yesterday.  I'm a little bit scared about that, but I'm mostly excited.
I'm really benefiting from my new gym membership as well.  I wish the gym was closer so I didn't have to walk a full 20 minutes to get there, but I'm glad I'm moving around and getting some of my "crazy" out on the treadmill.  I'm also enjoying using the weight machines.
I'm glad it's been nice weather.  I'm glad it's not too hot yet but it's also not too cold.  I'm glad it's kind of breezy.  I'm glad it's not too sunny, since I usually forget to bring my sunglasses with me when I go out.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Yesterday was a bad day.
Yesterday, I moved.
I don't like change.
Change is scary.
Change is scary for a lot of people, and especially a lot of Autistic people.  I'm one of those Autistics who can plan and plan for weeks and weeks, but when it comes time to actually make a change, I have a lot of difficulty achieving it.
Last night, I cried a lot.  I didn't want to be left alone in my new living space.  I was afraid.  I was regretting my choices.  I was questioning everything.  Like I said: changes are really stressful for me.

I'm in the process of settling in.
I'm thankful for my boyfriend, whom I love very much, because he is very good at calming me down and distracting me from my stress.
I'm thankful for my gym membership, because I've been treadmilling out a lot of anxiety.
I'm thankful for my computer, although I'm having a lot of facebook stress lately.  Maybe I'll talk about that another time.  But what I am thankful for is the television I can catch up to on my computer.  I'm glad I have access to youtube and my shows.
I'm thankful for my lists.
I'm thankful for my plans.
I'm thankful that I made it this far. I don't give myself enough credit, I think.  It's hard for me to move.  It's hard for me to adjust.  It's hard for me to accept that plans sometimes change.  But I'm doing OK now.  I'm doing OK and I'm thankful for that.