I'm Not Always Clueless

This is kind of an important post.

Well, for me it's an important post.

For me, it's an important concept.

I was diagnosed with autism when I was 9 years old.  I have been Autistic my whole life.  I was Autistic yesterday, I am Autistic today, and I will be Autistic tomorrow.  That is not a difficult thing for most people to understand.

Being Autistic has challenges.  People understand that.

Sometimes, I don't understand everything that's said to me, or everything that happens around me.  Sometimes I need a bit of extra help.  People understand this.  

And that's lovely.  Most of the time.

There are a lot of people who know I am Autistic and then think I need everything to be explained to me.  I get really upset because of this, sometimes.  Especially when I know what has happened, and then someone tries to explain it to me, and explains it completely differently than the way I see it in my head.  Especially when they tell me I'm wrong and they're right because my brain works differently, so obviously

I'm not saying I'm always right.  I know I make mistakes.  And I know I sometimes do need help.

But when I need help, I will ask.  Please understand this.  Please know that I will ask for help when I need it.

I don't like it when people treat me like I am oblivious to everything around me.  I fully admit that I miss a lot of things and sometimes need things explained to me further, but I don't like it when people treat me like I don't know anything about what is going on around me.

It's a difficult balance and it's something I still don't know how to articulate, but I don't like it when people assume they know more than me, just because I'm Autistic.  Even if it's about a social situation and even though we all know I'm not the best at social situations, I still don't want other people to assume they know better or need to teach me.

*end of rant*

100 Unique Names

I recently posted this about my name obsession.  I love names.  I have Asperger's Syndrome and, characteristic of Asperger's Syndrome, I make lists and I have strange passions.  My first passion was names.  Making lists of names has been my passion since before kindergarten.

I collected a bunch of "new" names recently into a list of over a thousand names, and thought I'd pick out 50 of the top female and male names that really stand out to me from that list.  I posted a handful of each here, but of course a handful of names is never enough for me.

FEMININE

Aeris

Anahid

Anaiah

Apphia

Atia

Azadeh

Berrie

Betty

Blythe

Chavielle

Egypt

Emmarie

Exa

Florence

Gentry

Hester

Immalia

Jessa

Jorja

July

Kaci

Kaiyah

Kalare

Kyersten

Kyzmia

Laurellynne

Lave

Leta

Liberty

Lorca

Macie

Maela

Makerra

Maragwyn

Marigold

Marlowe

Matisyn

Meris

Merit

Mileah

Millay

Mykinli

Nyx

Odessa

Olive

Phynna

Saylor

Selah

Shirley

Waverly

MASCULINE

Arland

Artem

Atticus

Barnabus

Booker

Braxton

Brecken

Cael

Calan

Canaan

Cash

Clement

Clinton

Dallas

Dante

Darcy

Dashlan

Decker

Dixon

Elmer

Glendon

Gunnar

Hezekiah

Holden

Howard

Jacobus

Jett

Justice

Kaelo

Kyrem

Linwood

Malacai

Mathieu

Memphis

Nelwyn

Oak

Porter

Ramsey

Rigby

Roarke

Rocco

Roscoe

Silas

Tanner

Thane

Trace

Tripp

Warden

Woodrow

Zev

If you like this list, there are a thousand others where this one came from.  I think in this one, I'm trying to hilight "weird" names, names that are different from my traditional style.  In this list, I've included names that are abnormal to me.  In this list, I've included names I rarely hear.  I've included surnames.  I've included unique spellings that I like.  I've included a lot of one-syllable names.  I've included a lot of Biblical and historically-inspired names.  

Does anyone know of a good site where I can have access to loads of unique names -- names like these -- so that I can further broaden my knowledge?

What are your favorite names from this list?

Recent Name List With Some New Interesting Names

This is ten pages of a name list I started a few days ago.

This is the Microsoft Word transcription of the list.  On Excel, it's 214 columns with rows filled out to L.  Does that mean anything to you?  Probably not.  But to me, that's something.  To me, that's kind of important.

I really like name lists.  From this list, a selection of some of my favorite names are:

For girls: Grejsa, Cerelia, Clarity, Phillida, Ellenore, Thandie, Bijou, Tonli, Hestia, Ceridwen, Maevis, Jerusalem, Aurora, Keturah, Keziah, Merrilla, Sonet, Linnea, Lyneth, Delynne, Modest, Honor, Kindell, Catteryn, Halo, Mabry, Ebba, Matielen, Dagny, Evoleth, Tashlyn, Zamyrah, Isis, Clover, and Ambriel

For boys: Adeben, Norrick, Jethrowe, Bowie, Cai, Draco, Helio, Beacon, Aldo, Hirem, Chadwick, Reeser, Garvin, Finnegan, Piers, Gilbert, Cannon, Devyros, Gabor, Kendrew, Vanden, Reiller, Farrow, Truman, Mathan, Tannyn, Courage, Jethrow, Zyaire, Brecken, Kable, Traegar, and Clifton

Of course, those are some kind of random names - some weird ones, some wonderful ones, some made-up ones, and some very old ones.  I love each one of those names for very different reasons, but I adore them all because of the way they sound.  I don't think I, myself, would use any of these names for a child, but they're nice to think about.  They're nice-sounding names.

I like names.

Have I mentioned that yet?

How To Study For Exams

I actually enjoy tests.  Sure, I find them stressful -- sometimes really stressful -- but I usually do well and I do enjoy how satisfying it feels to show my knowledge and succeed in something.  It feels really good to get a good mark -- even a decent mark -- and be proud of something I've accomplished.

Read the textbook.
This is a hard one for a lot of people, including me, but it's really important to read the textbook for your course if you're going to do ensure your success on the exam.  Here's the thing: someone decided that the textbook would be a good idea.  While it's clearly important to focus on what's been said during the class and going over your notes is absolutely effective, the textbook will give you more insight and it will probably help you.  Seriously.  Try it.

Do practice questions.
You don't even need to "do" them.  Just look at them.  Think about them.

Write it out.
Making notes is really effective when you want to get the information to stick in your head.  One of my favorite studying techniques is to write out all the pertinent information that I really want to make sure I remember when test time comes around.  Writing things out helps you have everything in your own words and makes you think about what you're learning so it's more apt to stay with you.  Also, it's a lot more effective to physically write things out than to type, since your brain responds well to the motor memory of having physically used your hands to write.

Flashcards.
Flashcards are really usefully memory aids, if you like quizzing yourself and have to memorize a lot for your test.  I love cue cards personally, but there are also a lot of great online flashcards that you can customize to your course material.

Talk it out with a friend.
This is one of my favorite techniques when I'm feeling like I know the material but need help to solidify it.  Talking with a friend not only helps you because you get time to practice explaining the concepts, but also exposes you to new ideas that might enhance your knowledge.

Look back at old tests.
Don't underestimate this one.  Seriously.  No matter how well you did on your previous tests, it's been a while, and it's a good idea to look at them and make sure you remember how to answer those types of question.

An Influx of Spirituality

Lately, I have found myself getting more spiritual.  I "converted" to Christianity when I was a teenager; I was raised in a rather atheistic home and found the church when I was at an age and stage in my life where I really struggled to belong.  Living for God made me less lonely in a lonely world, I suppose.  That's how I see it, at least, when I look back on those times.  I had few friends and little want for friends, but I needed a purpose, and God's love was that purpose.  

It still is, today.  

My religious convictions come in waves.  One day, I am full of love for Jesus and thankful for the life He has constructed for me.  Other days, I have more questions.  Still other days, I have more earthly things to think about, and those immediate issues always seem so pressing.  

I think I know the kind of person I want to be, and I think my religion is going to be an important part of that.  

It's funny - there are so many Autistic individuals I know who absolutely reject religion, and honestly I feel like one of the few who is drawn to it.  Weird.  That's a deep and complicated idea that we won't delve into now, but I assume there is a reason for it.  

I like having a plan and it's comforting to think that God has a plan for me, even when the rest of the world seems completely opposed to giving me firm details.  

I'm still trying to figure myself out, obviously.  More on that later.  

Productivity Has Taken A Back Seat

I have a paper due next Friday, an assignment due Thursday, plus I've been sick (and lazy) this week so I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on.

I'd like to think I'm being productive, but that's absolutely not true.

I've got some stuff to write about (as always) but I'm trying to hold off on that until I can feel comfortable with my school situation.

Will be back!

I Don't Like Whiney People

I have a roommate who is constantly complaining.

I do love her, but in recent months she has really started to bother me, to the point that I often hide in my room when she's in the living room, and I really have a hard time focusing when she talks to me.

I've always had anxiety about social interaction, and it wasn't until high school that I felt comfortable interacting with people at all.  I had a few friends in high school and in university made a few more.  This roommate is one of the first true friends I made in university and she knows I have this difficulty with social interaction, so we used to seem like the perfect pair.

I used to have to debrief a lot after socializing.  This was the friend who helped me through my first relationship with a boy and who helped me understand how to be an Autistic creature in this neurotypical world.  She was so supportive of me when I stressed about having few friends and being confused by relationships in general.  She was the one I turned to when I had troubles (and I had a lot) with my ex-boyfriend.

But now, I've noticed that she's been complaining.  Constantly.  She complains about being busy.  She complains that her bedroom is too small.  She complains about her family.  She complains about her boyfriend.  She complains about her other friends.  She complains about her schoolwork.  She complains about her skin.  She complains about her hair.  She complains about her body.  She complains about how she's tired, or hungry, or full, or cold... whatever feeling she is having, she talks about it continuously.

I feel like she's become really negative and it's hard to stay positive around her.  In fact, being around her just brings me really "down."

I have a hard time relating to people to begin with, and when you add that whiney quality to every interaction with a person, it makes it really hard for me to want to socialize, let alone to actually do it.

I want to make this friendship work.  I want this friend to be in my life for a long time.

But I don't like whiney people, and it's really hard to be her friend right now.